please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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