A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
