she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
