are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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