Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
