wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
