Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
