I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm really busy with my period
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