she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
