I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
