Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
