I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
