so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
