you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
