I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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