Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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