I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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