Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
