Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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