K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
