I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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