After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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