remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
