don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
