This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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