So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
