JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i think my cat just said my name.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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