it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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