Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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