Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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