dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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