it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Less talking, more tequila
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
