Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
