They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
