i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
