On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
