forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
