I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
