I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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