i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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