Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
