His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
