i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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