hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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