you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I believe in your delicious
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
