Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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