Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
