I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
