i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
