i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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