you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you will always have a special place in my vag
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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