i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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