K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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