She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
