oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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