my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
