using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
