not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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