So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
