Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
