I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
