The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dick very happy bro
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
