never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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