Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
