we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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