Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
