You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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