i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
