Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
