it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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