I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
