i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
