Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
