capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
