butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
