dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
