Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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