She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize