So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
